Paxina: 002	Trust Cannot be Betrayed
Have you noticed that some people are what they do. Yet others are what they believe. Some may even be what they eat. I am what I use. Others may be what they live and yet others may be what they wish for the world. Fortunately, for people in these states nothing can be taken away from them, except for their lives. But for people that are made of what they own – and they are many – taking away what they own leaves you with nothing. Nothing, not even a person! Chickens come in plastic packets, and women come in nylon. And I in therm. By your account... For the most vulnerable among us – We Are What We Own. The fortunate among us Are What We Do. Very rarely are we What We Dream: By not being what we dream, and yet wishing to be that thing, we create the fire that urges us on to achieve what ever limited immortality we can in our short existence on this ball of rock. It is a matter of passing that one will meet many shallow people. Or they will appear shallow because they do not know how to open up to others. Either they think that opening themselves up to others somehow makes them vulnerable and they don’t want to be seen as “sissies”. Or they believe they will be opening themselves up to exploitation. There is however a remedy for both types of thinking. In the first instance: those that think they will be seen as "sissies" will more often than not be the sort of person who would have the same thought in their heads about you if you opened up to them. In the second instance, exploitation can only take place in a long term relationship which thrives on psychological and emotional abuse. The first kind of person is easily dealt with: if their response is that you are a “sissie”, then you need have nothing further to do with them. Remember that I told you once that that is how I control who I am involved with, in anything. That there are some people who will have to do with out my friendship as a result of their particular beliefs – I will be civil and courteous out of respect for myself, and that will be seen to be so. There is nothing that can rankle a person more than being paid common civility because the one paying has honor, and not because there is any kind of honor in the one being paid. That there are some people who will have to do without my friendship as a result of their particular beliefs – I will be civil and courteous out of respect for myself, and I will be seen to be so. “There is nothing that can rankle a person more than being paid common civility because the one paying has honor, and not because there is any kind of honor in the one being paid.”                                              Life In My Fathers House As for the second kind of person, you will discover if they are being exploited on the first pass. If that occurs, run. People who end up in abusive relationships do so because they did not see the signs, and they are always “Victims”, anyway. Exploiters and Victims need each other to fulfill their social roles. And both are capable in the extreme, of manipulation and dissemblement because those are the rules of the game. The only method of dealing with either of these sorts is not to play according to their rules, but to change the rules, briefly, as the precursor to disengagement. My opening myself up to others is to filter out immediately, these first two kinds of people because they are the most obvious of the type to take advantage of me. After that it is a free for all – with my logic in charge of events. When I loose my head, baby do I loose it! That’s why I also maintain a tight control over what I do. I lost it once. Some of the pictures I sent you show you what I lost. And that is not to even talk about love. In response to: ”it is better to not be loved than to be loved and loose it”, might I suggest the following “It is better to love and loose, than never to have loved at all” Here’s a joke: “I had a girl once who told me that she would die if I ever left her. Well, I left her anyway, and she’s still alive. She lied to me!” If I was to worry about my love not being returned, I would have died a long time ago. “But I never died”, said he. “I never die”. In fact it is probably what has accounted for my phenomenal success rate with the opposite, or unfair sex. I am in love all the time. I am sometimes lonely, but I am never alone. Alone I am enough. That is the one reason that I live in spite of disappointment. Also, much to the disappointment of others I might add In all cultures in the world the woman is represented as the earth and man as the sky. The woman is very earth bound. She is more earthly than a man, being more pragmatic and practical. That’s why you don’t find great women poets. Or painters or composers. They don’t fly in the sky as much as men – who adventure more than women do. Women grip the earth, their roots go down into it. The Earth Mother from whence all life arises and into which all life sinks. When men get married they are forced to become practical. Women bring them back down to earth. Poets don’t like to be married. They want to remain in love. They don’t want to be cured of that sickness. The so called great poets are usually childish immature people. Still living in the fairy land of childhood. They have no idea of what reality is because they prevent it from penetrating their dreams. A woman is a sure destroyer of fictions. Women are also afraid to fall in love with free men because it is a twenty-four hour involvement. And if they are not afraid, they soon enough become resentful of the loss of freedom. If you want to be cured of love there is no better remedy than marriage – because the mundane 24 hour a day routine has to be just that. Mundane. You get to find out all the things about another person that you did not initially wish to know. :This comes from the intimacy of living closely together – all illusions are torn away. For Example: Women live two kinds of life. The at home life and the going out life. At home a woman is generally not that much to look at. But when she goes out – it is a completely new person… When you live with a person 24 hours a day – all the defects become known. And it takes a lot of strength, wisdom and LOVE to stay in love with the reality, rather than wanting to keep the memory of the fiction you thought was the reality. This is why so many relationships collapse. Love has to be strong enough to overcome defects, frailties etc… that humans are prone to. I am not talking about the kind of love one sees portrayed in movies or books. The love in a movie only lasts for 90 minutes – which is about how long it takes me to finally ride that white snake across the river. And for most lovers the white snake comes across the river less and less often. That is because what they fell in love with was the prospect of riding that white snake. They never thought about the fact that they may end up waking beside the snake when it needs to be fed, or perhaps the snake has body odor from natural sweating whilst working – or fucking –or that perhaps even that the white snake may want rest sometimes. Or the Snake might want to go shopping, or play golf, or get drunk, or garden, or paint pictures. Or hell…even look for another snake. Ha Ha Ha And this applies to men and women. Snakes have sex. Before humans even dreamed of sex. Dreamed enough to make a snake a Totem. A God. A SYMBOL which you wish you could manipulate???? And If you are a silly little person are reviled by snakes you have to consider that Snakes are in all Egyptian heiroglyphy for a reason, snakes are revered in fertility rites, snakes bring summer, snakes appear in the calendars birth sign, Snakes have names like Ourobouros. Eating his own tail to regenerate and build the infinite circle of the Cosmos. Besa me. Besa me mucho… I have a sssnake in your pantsss… in your dreamsss of me. I Ssslip un-noticsssed thru the sssilk of your gown and you only know me when I am gone from you that the kisss wasss not a benediction, but a cursssse that left you wanting only to be ssseducsssed again… Only your Roman Christian up-bringing from a corrupt church will make you think that you must believe the snake led you astray. Well maybe it did. You want to mount up on the sssnake each night. All girlsss want to go there. They cannot resissst the call of the sssnake. The explanation of fassshion, TV, and risssing pregnancy. Sssociety just has been too complacsssent to realize that sssocially, we are where we were when Egypt reigned. Victorian England, leave it to beaver TV, white picket fence open toed shoes led us to believe that we were civilized. Minchia! For your lifetime that you grew up in!!! What was happening before that? You don’t know, do you? You had to go to school to learn that you had to get a job to get the money to buy the food to get the strength to go to work to get the money to buy the food to get the strength to get the money to go to work to get the food to get the strength to buy the food…until you jus gonna drop dead, baby! Kinda shit, to be a slave, yes? Yet we all slaves to da Snake. A snake makes no sound. But you can hear it coming. Each individual hears the Snake in their own way. Women are especially attuned to snakes. They have to be. It will always be their choice which snake the Ministers daughter will ride. “There’s a reptile in the totem system, Scheherazade”, I told one of my daughters once. I told one of you too, cant remember who. Find it…it is residing at the base of the operational program. It has lived all these thousand years in a special relationship with women like you my lovely, like your hair - a dark world consciousness. Like your skin so light it blazes. Unable to function as a symbol because of its unpredictability, it produces a certain type of madness. Only in women. In men it prompts art or violence. So it is a madness that men do not understand. And women cannot control. I have spent a one thousand nights and one night, communing in this madness without communicating. I do not pretend to understand. But do know I am wiser and closer. I wrote all of this book based on my knowledge of the Snakes Ballet. You belong to my Heart. We gatherered stars and a million guitarras I danced it with you. And you, and you and you also and again with you and always wanted it to be with you Porra, even you complain about the men you are forced to take home out of desperacion, dona! Foders – play with yourself until you can get it right. Lupo – why did we part? – tell me. Morens…lets do it all again?…C’mon Frankie time for one last ride! You girls are all mad. I know I speak the truth – for I too am mad. The Price of sin is Ecstasy: you told me. Perhaps you were merely bribing the snake for a special favor. “Especial orestes…?” A Darling can be defined as a Bore in its early stages of development. These people are not involved with each others lives, apart from the cheerful, happy part. Because they love only themselves. They cannot stand to have to deal with anything that may make them unhappy, sad, angry, despondent etc. But those things will happen. Real lovers have a much wider spectrum of happiness to sadness, than most people because they have reached greater heights and depths than most people. They may have reached those places in the company of another and grown stronger from that, or they may have been fortunate as I was to have been imbued with the courage and determination to do my very best until the very end. You can always tell which people are which – if you watch for them. Being in love means having to be involved and committed – and not being ready to escape at the first sign of trouble. It is a sacrifice. I should know. And you are going to find out, my sweet, much to your dismay, that you are not going to escape unscathed. You have already discovered, as many people have, that they only find out what kind of sacrifice when they are along way down the road and realize that they do not want to make the sacrifice. And they change. And in their change, they blame the other person because they do not want to be wrong themselves. They do this in spite of the fact that they are GOING TO HAVE TO do it at some time, and not doing it right the second or third time, or the fifth time, does not let any one off the hook. Not ever. You are going to die trying. Or die failing while you try. But if you do not try, you will never know Joy, only weariness and dissolution. At some point they will have to be accountable And it cannot be something that happened because of the “other person”. It is something that happens in the “ones self”. Because no matter who one is with, no matter where… involvement and commitment and sacrifice, will have to happen. From ones self. You can get divorced from another person – but you cannot divorce your self. And this is why so many people are so miserable. And drink and take drugs and philander…hoping that that will bring a relief into their lives The people that you see bailing out of relationships and marriages for “irreconcilable differences” are using that excuse as a means of covering the fact that they are inept at dealing with life. Having had the misfortune to see it happen only three times in my life – I  am qualified to speak about it with some knowledge. Three out of seven aint bad. Considering my strike rate. I got laid more than I got disappointed. Because we don’t have that much time… Now why do I say that trust cannot be betrayed. “I waited ‘til I saw the sun, I don’t know why I didn’t come I left you by the house of fun When I saw the break of day I wished that I could fly away. Instead of kneeling in the sand catching teardrops in my hand My heart is drenched in wine But you’ll be on my mind Forever Out across the endless sea I would die in ecstasy, but I’ll be a bag of bones driving down the road alone Something has to make you run, I don’t know why I didn’t come I feel as empty as a drum I don’t know why, I don’t know why” I disarm people by taking them into my trust completely. I let them know my innermost thoughts and secrets. Because once I have done that, there is nothing that they can do against me. They cannot blackmail me, or hold me to ransom over any secrets because they will soon discover that other people they are talking about me to, already my know these “secrets” – and how can something be a secret when every one knows. This is why I am never bored. This is why I am more often than not the life-and-soul-of-the-party. Have you noticed, when you go to a party that there are the entertainers and the entertained, the bored and the boring. Quite apart from the mad and the maddening. Observe those people [ before they get too drunk ]. More often than not you can measure them by that behaviour you see there and then in their interaction with others. The sulks, the bullies, the sluts, the pigs, the too-high-born, the self aggrandizing. I go out to entertain – not to wait to be entertained. In the same way that I go out to do business, not to wait for some one to do business with me. In the same way that I bring love with me and don’t wait for it to be brought to me. I proved this to you each time. Think on that what possible damage can any one do to you knowing your so-called “secrets”? There are two types of secrets. Can you guess what they are? They are personal secrets and national secrets. Your personal secrets are similar to, and in slightly differing aspects, a part of very one else’s secrets in the society you live in. There may be various mixed ratios and different types combinations. The are secrets that all humans share. The human brain. That is why, comedy, drama, movies TV and film exist. They explore all these secrets. Then there are national secrets. The ones you go to jail for selling or get killed for trying to avoid jail. The only secret between these 2 is that of infidelity – which includes aspects of both. And infidelity arises because of all of the above, and an individuals inability to deal with real life as opposed to the one that was sold by Hollywood and advertising.